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Meditation See Your True Self – Acceptance not Judgement

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To be successful in your second life the one that does not include your Bread winning career, you need to see what give you pleasure, happiness and purpose. In your Bread winning career it was easier, money and meeting your family needs. Now it is just you. You need to clear your mind of judging others, you know the negative thinking. You can manage this list by writing it down, read it over and put is aside, now think about you. Start with an item totally under your control like brushing your teeth:

— Which toothpaste?
— Firmness of toothbrush (soft, medium or hard)?
— How long do you brush?
— Electrical or manual?

This finding yourself takes concentration, effort and acceptance of your choices, not judgement or looking good for others. Set a timer on your phone for two minutes and while brushing think about how it feels. Are you tasting the tooth paste? When done, do you feel good about yourself? Are you in the moment of brushing your teeth? Did it give you pleasure, happiness and a sense of purpose?

Do you see brushing your teeth as a few moments of self care, meditation and calm or an obligation?

If you like electric toothbrush and your wife likes manual is she wrong? Can you embrace her like of manual toothbrushes?

YouTube Video on How to brush your teeth?

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Bread winning career. Work related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life.

Meditation – Negative thought lists may induce stress

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There is an ancient chinese proverb that says if you think you are being chased by a tiger, you are being chased by a tiger.

In your Bread winning career you were paid to look for and solve problems. Some jobs were made up of people always coming with problems. When you spend 40 plus years only thinking about what could go wrong can develop into a bad habit. Negative thinking not only takes you away from thinking about yourself, it can also do very bad things to your mind, body and health.

Make a short positive thought list like:

— I enjoy cooking and eating pork chops
— How good your neighbors the compliment felt on your front garden
— The feeling of learning to order something on Amazon

Yes, this list is all about you: manageable and real, the comparison to a list about other people and subjects that cannot be controlled:

–Your brother in laws lifestyle is a waste of time
–Younger kids have no social skills because of their phones
–Reasons why you will not use a smartphone.

How many times a day do you find yourself stressed thinking about things you cannot control?

Here is a YouTube video on how stress affects you mind, body and medical wellbeing.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Bread winning career. Work related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely.

Meditation in Retirement – Managing Negative thoughts

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Meditation in retirement is not meant to solve problems but to accept them as they exist so you can have time to discover yourself. Each of us have our individual views on what makes a good life. Some we adopted from our tribe, others we made up as we moved through our lives. You need to free yourself from the things that stop you from finding yourself, that person who has pleasure and purpose in during your retirement. You need to learn to manage your thoughts and judgments you developed over the last 60+ years so you can find yourself and what makes you feel right about you.

If you spend your time commenting on things that you cannot control, not part of your life and you view are wrong. Like:

Your brother in laws lifestyle is a waste of time.
Younger kids have no social skills because of their phones.
Reasons why you will not use a smartphone.
Why Amazon is bad for the world

You need to manage your thought list so they are items about you not other people?

A ted talk on feeling good about ourselves:

Ted talk about how we think empty, rather then half full. Hope this makes you aware so to better manage your lists and remember the good stuff!:

You spent 40 plus years paying attention and planning your Big money career. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely.

Typical questions once you have retired!

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  • Has your sense of purpose disappeared with your job?
  • Is your spouse telling you to stop hanging around the house?
  • Has your family moved on while you were at work?
  • All that money and why am I still so lonely?
  • Ah SH*T – Now what do I do?

Fear not, this is all normal and expected.

.  This book takes you step by step in seeing your self and your world around you with a new vision, a “paradigm shift” so you can choose the path that gives you pleasure, purpose, and tribal involvement.

The book is a must-read for spouses of retires to understand better the severe impact that retirement has on their partner.