retirement

Where to Retire – The one key question to ask

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Retirement options are different for men and for women. Men who lost their tribe want to start over. They may be having social anxiety and are lost without a “job”. They suggest:

Take a Winnebago trip across the county
Move to new housing in a different state
Move to a summer home in the middle of a forest

They are running away, from their feeling of isolation and loss of purpose in their lives. They are alone in their man caves. No matter where you end up living, the challenge is when you get to where you are going you still need to find and grow the tribe of people to have pleasure, happiness and purpose in your retirement years. Bottom line it does not matter where, but with whom you are living that is the leading driver for where to retire. The one key question is:

Are you living within 15 minutes of family or “true” friend?

They key to successful retirement is not being isolated and alone. You will need to find and develop “Purpose” and that means interacting with people to achieve a goal. True friends and family are great companions in this journey.

Other key considerations are:

If you live in the middle of nowhere, you are nowhere. Make sure community resources are within a 15 to 30-minute drive e.g. shopping, entertainment, hospitals, doctors, housing, public transportation, etc.
Reconsider what give you purpose and happiness. You have almost spent your entire life working for family, career and wealth. Each day ask yourself: “What do give you pleasure, happiness and purpose?” Change those things that do not. Start small with what you like to eat for lunch. What shirts you like to wear. Choose and keep choosing. Watch the small things, the big items will follow
Live within your financial means. Happiness is not found in conspicuous consumption. When you pay people for a service, these people are paid to be nice to you. It is not a acquaintance or a relationship, just a moment in time where you are distracted form your real life.

Here is a video of two women discussing handling and repurposing your life in retirement. Enjoy

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement New understanding of a friend

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I was sitting at the docks enjoying the view and meet a young women and we started talking about life’s issues. She was recently divorced and relocated from here childhood location of Denver, Co. She was challenged by anxiety and was walking her therapy dog. Our conversation centered around finding and making a friend. I offered the characteristics of a friend.

– Come when you need them
– Listen and dialogue without judgement
– Are part of your life, you have broken bread with them

It can take over 200 hours of contact to turn an acquaintance into a friend.
She added immediately that when she is with a friend she is at rest
I thought her comment was so real that i have now added it to the definition of a friend. A friend is someone you are with totally at ease. It is a time of being together and real. This is in alignment with Tara Brack’s guidance on meditation.

Could it be that being with a friend is like being in the now?

A video from the movie “Ted” that can give you a visual of a friend. Enjoy.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Meditation Is it possible while under drug addition

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The purpose of meditation is to have a tool to manage all the busy thoughts generated by judgments of others and negative thinking. Judging other would be great if they wanted or cared about your opinion. Usually, they do not, and it is only you justifying your view in contrast to theirs. Agree to disagree. Accept their idea as an alternative and free your mind and body from managing it on your thought list. Negative thinking is you looking for problems. Great if walking in the forest and watching out for lions, tigers, and bears or running a company looking for future challenges to solve. These are now distractions from you seeing yourself.

Drugs, in this case, sugar and carbohydrates when eaten in excessive quantities are an addictive drug that can result in diabetes, excessive weight, and anxiety or Metabolic Syndrome. These ailments are distractions from you finding yourself and your pleasures, happiness, and purpose during retirement

Are you a sugar and carbohydrate drug addict? Try MyFitnessPal and iPhone application to measure your percent carbohydrates and sugars that are consumed as part of your daily calories. Just like smoking, caffeine and alcohol, all drugs that hamper your free will, you are a drug addict addicted to sugars and carbohydrates.

Ted YouTube video on Sugar and Carbohydrates as an addictive drug:

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life.

Meditation See Your True Self – Acceptance not Judgement

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To be successful in your second life the one that does not include your Bread winning career, you need to see what give you pleasure, happiness and purpose. In your Bread winning career it was easier, money and meeting your family needs. Now it is just you. You need to clear your mind of judging others, you know the negative thinking. You can manage this list by writing it down, read it over and put is aside, now think about you. Start with an item totally under your control like brushing your teeth:

— Which toothpaste?
— Firmness of toothbrush (soft, medium or hard)?
— How long do you brush?
— Electrical or manual?

This finding yourself takes concentration, effort and acceptance of your choices, not judgement or looking good for others. Set a timer on your phone for two minutes and while brushing think about how it feels. Are you tasting the tooth paste? When done, do you feel good about yourself? Are you in the moment of brushing your teeth? Did it give you pleasure, happiness and a sense of purpose?

Do you see brushing your teeth as a few moments of self care, meditation and calm or an obligation?

If you like electric toothbrush and your wife likes manual is she wrong? Can you embrace her like of manual toothbrushes?

YouTube Video on How to brush your teeth?

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Bread winning career. Work related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life.

Meditation – Negative thought lists may induce stress

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There is an ancient chinese proverb that says if you think you are being chased by a tiger, you are being chased by a tiger.

In your Bread winning career you were paid to look for and solve problems. Some jobs were made up of people always coming with problems. When you spend 40 plus years only thinking about what could go wrong can develop into a bad habit. Negative thinking not only takes you away from thinking about yourself, it can also do very bad things to your mind, body and health.

Make a short positive thought list like:

— I enjoy cooking and eating pork chops
— How good your neighbors the compliment felt on your front garden
— The feeling of learning to order something on Amazon

Yes, this list is all about you: manageable and real, the comparison to a list about other people and subjects that cannot be controlled:

–Your brother in laws lifestyle is a waste of time
–Younger kids have no social skills because of their phones
–Reasons why you will not use a smartphone.

How many times a day do you find yourself stressed thinking about things you cannot control?

Here is a YouTube video on how stress affects you mind, body and medical wellbeing.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Bread winning career. Work related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely.

Retirement – How NOT to End Up Tired, Bored and Lonely now available on amazon

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My book Retirement – How NOT to End Up Tired, Bored and Lonely is now available in printed and kindle version on Amazon.

Please enjoy the read. I would appreciate all comments and Amazon reviews.

Link to Amazon Page

You spent 40 plus years paying attention and planning your Big money career. Work related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely.

Meditation – List management: Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD)

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Every few days you should review your list of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD) issues in your life. These are items that you think about and creates anxiety. They hang around in your mind and fill your head whenever you get some free-thinking time. You try to push them away and distract yourself. But these are tough and keep coming back at you.

You need to accept them without judgement. Make them friends and “agree to disagree” with these thoughts. Bring them closer to your heart.

You have a son who is not employed and spends his days couch surfing with friends from college. He is 25 and not going anywhere fast. You are frustrated that he is not earning money and not growing up and becoming an adult. You know, job, relationship, home and children. You want to tell him how he is missing the boat, not being a contributor. Let me remind you that there are nine billion people on this planet who will tell him about which path to take, but he has only one father.

Look at him and see his goodness, strengths and his love and caring for you and you for him. Accept him and trust his choices as his, not yours. Can you feel that by not judging, by being a friend accepting him with love and caring. He can live his life and still be part of yours.

Do not judge, just agree to disagree.

Do you spend time living other people’s lives and not living your own?

Eckharte Tolle – Addicted to Thinking:

Tara Black on how we drive ourselves into anxiety loops:

During your career, you are given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use.  You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing.  You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely.. Meditation can help you see yourself, rather than your looking good and being right views.

Meditation – Finding pleasure and purpose during retirement

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Meditation comes in many flavors. You can go all the way from silence, isolation and deprivation of sensory to just learning how to prioritize your thoughts.
This is the first in a series on helping yourself to see what gives you pleasure and purpose in retirement. We start with the “list”.

The list works as follows:
Write down any subject that comes into your mind as you think about yourself and number them. A short example could be

1. I am overweight
2. My son does not have a regular job
3. I Wish I had more sex time with my wife
4. Garage door makes too much noise

Each item on the list is something you can wrap your mind around, world peace is too big, got it?

The next day or a day latter sit down and write the list again with the old list next to you. As you write the lists you will be able to feel each item. Your worries and woes are open for you to embrace and make friends with, not run from. Do this for 3-5 lists and you will feel that you are beginning to start to see yourself without the items on the list getting in the way. Latter we talk about list items that give you pleasure and purpose.

How do you manage your fears and frustrations?

This approach of embracing and making friends with your fear and troubles come from Tara Brack, PHD. She has many YouTube videos. Here is one you will enjoy. She is pointing out that inside you is a good person and the lists items are just stories that distract you from yourself.

During your career, you are given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use.  You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing.  You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely.. Meditation can help you see yourself, rather than your looking good and being right views.

Loneliness one of the great challenges of retirement

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Loneliness is a major challenge when you retire. Once you leave work, you leave behind the majority of your social contacts.
The recommendation of hobbies and arts are typically single person activities.

A lonely retirement is like be in a minimum security prison with kitchen privileges

Research has found that loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity.

How do you deal with being lonely?

Can you die of loneliness?

In my book “Retirement How NOT to end up Lonely, Tires and Bored” . I go over the steps to become aware of what give you pleasure and purpose and building a tribe.

A video on alternatives from accepting to being alone to stepping out of your comfort zone “How to deal with loneliness.”

During your career, you are given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use.  You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing.  You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely.

Meditation – Finding your true self vs looking good

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In retirement you have left behind your role of provider and head of household. You are now a 60+ year old adultescent looking for friends and purpose that is centered around your pleasures and purposes. Just like you were as a teenager. The challenge is to find those pleasures and activities that give you pleasure, happiness and purpose.

As a teenager you sought friends and activities to share with them.

A video by Tony Robbins on finding yourself (your needs) and creating a blueprint for retirement so that your second life is as rewarding as your first.

Question: What is your blueprint of retirement? Continue reading →