fitness

Retirement- – Elevator pitch on the truth of retirement

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The following is an elevator pitch for the book

Retirement – How not to end up lonely, Tired and bored.

Hi, I am joel Smith a recent retiree and have interviewed hundreds of other retires.
Retirement is a big lie. You are sold a story that all you need is a hobby and money. Spending the money will give you pleasure, happiness and purpose during your remaining years.

It is a lie.

This talk tells the story of the chaos of retirement. You experience denial, procrastination, uncertainty, and doubt that you go through as you approach and enter retirement. The talk focuses on alternative paths that can be taken and why the recommendation “all you need is money,” is not true.

We describe how to see yourself in a different light, e.g., a paradigm shift. Things do not change, how you look at them changes. You are retired and have left the principal purpose of your life behind: your career to maintain the financial stability of your family. The approach is to make you aware of the alternatives and help you see them clearly, so you can feel good about your choices.

These are the last years of your life. You have worked hard, supported your family and saved and have an expectation that you will enjoy and prosper during retirement. A fair expectation, but unfortunately, not a true.

You are faced with the real thing, not an urban legend or a marketing blurb from the so-many financial houses on how they can help you live to be 200 years old while you play polo. Until now, you had gotten up every day and gone to work, even when people waiting for you at work wanted to make your life hard, you went to work. Snow, rain, cold and gas shortages, you went to work. Take a moment to appreciate the sense of purpose, accomplishment, passion, and fulfillment that it gave you. Now it is gone!

Talk about going from an active social and productive environment to isolation and chaos! Your career is gone and most likely your body. You are facing a new challenge which will require your body to be there to support you and it is gone.


Click to buy: “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely”

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement – Creating a tribe and sharing example

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Here is a link to an article on how a coffee group turned into a help organization. I would not be surprised if these guys also do other things together, besides give free advice.

Great read.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2018/09/27/self-proclaimed-old-coots-offer-life-advice-farmers-market-their-slogan-its-probably-bad-advice-its-free/

Just in case giving advice is new to you. Here is a YouTube video on how to give advice

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement has started, so where do I go? What do i do? Part II.

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You walk outside your home and you are lost. No place to go, Isolated and feeling anxious about not having alternatives. Here is what others have tried as transition into retirement to avoid the loneliness and depression of not having a life.

Shop for sales
Go to retail stores and get daily sales. This gets you out of the house, to be among people and interact with store clerks. Your family will appreciate what you buy. If not you can return the items until you understand their needs.

Estate and Garage Sales
Go to estate and garage sales and start collecting lamps, small statues, bottles of cologne, marbles, trains, etc. then sell them on eBay to cover your costs plus profit for your wife. You get to work with people on both ends and you set time and effort within your limits. See if you can join an ebay club in your area or a local training program.

Cook
Take over cooking dinners. Yes, be Mister Mom. Cook, shop for groceries, clean the refrigerator, prepare the meals, expand your comfort zone into new areas. This will be appreciated by all.

Physical Activity
Use an e-bike and go riding. Yes, take the physical challenge out and meet people riding. The idea is to go out and meet other riders rather then physical activity for muscle building or sweating. Join a bike club. You can go on A+ rides with the e-bike and not have to turn yourself inside out physically. You will be pleasantly surprised how much fun and purpose you will have.

Part Time Job
Be a school bus driver for 2 to 4 hours a day. Home Depot and Lowes offers part time work where you can pick your hours. Get out of the house, you get a great feeling of accomplishment by helping other people and get a little extra money to boot.

The objective is to get out of the house and do something that gets you with people doing something that you enjoy. You already had a career and earned lots of money. The direction is to find people you can make friends with.

Great video with good overview and some excellent recommendations on how to find good opportunities

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement has started, so where to I go? What do i do?

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I wake up early, wash up, get dressed and go to the gym or bike for 45 minutes. Now what? I could stay at the gym or bike ride for the day and have bragging rights, but I would still be alone. My mother like to say a job solves all your problems. So what is the path to pleasure, happiness, and purpose in retirement?

The trick is do repeat what you did when you were a teen. Just go out and try it. If it does not work, pick something else and try again. Do it out of the house and with people. Just like when you were a teen and went to play in the neighborhood. If this is outside of your comfort zone. That ok. It was when you were a teen and you survived.

A YouTube Video on stepping outside your comfort zone.

The bottom line is you can now choose a purpose that does not force you to support your family. A choice that give you pleasure and happiness.

Retirement – Getting started!

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I can’t get started. My day is centered around the TV. Watching the news over coffee and then I make myself a good breakfast, but instead of an energy boost, I find myself again watching the TV. Later I do something for the house or take a trip to the store to pick up a single item. In the afternoon, I will keep my wife company and go out for lunch and do some shoping. She shops while I find a place to sit. My chair and I are becoming one. My get up and go has got up and left.

Retirement is not a time of rest, it is a time to expand your pleasure, happiness and purpose beyond earning money.
Get up, go out and do it.
By showing up you will be successful. Allow yourself to try. Trust your core values of a successful life. Great YouTube video on making it happen:

This YouTube touches on values that are you.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement – Some thoughts on how loneliness, depression lead to suicide

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In this journey of retirement, there is more than just money. The obligation and challenge of supporting your family was your purpose, that which gave you a connection and meaning to your life.
You are challenged by changes in your core view of how you spent the last 40 plus years that is now gone.
You need to reinvent yourself just like in the beginning. Except now you have the added challenge of not having to earn money.

Independent wealth is not necessarily a benefit.

A YouTube video on a man’s journey from depression to suicidal thoughts to reconnecting with his tribe and purpose.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement Surprises – Isolation, Depression, Anxiety and Suicide – Part 0 Isolation (The beginning of the end!)

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I have added a beginning to the trilogy of Depression, Anxiety and Suicide, this beginning is Isolation. It is the single event that will start the beginning of the end of your life. Yes, isolation results in greater heart disease, cancer and and is the equivalent of smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. Here is a National Institute of Health study that details the impact of loneliness. LINK

You have just left behind a full career, a tribal group centered around work and supporting your family. All gone in a blink. The lie of retirement is that you think it is a simple continuation of your life, it is not! It is a new beginning. Remember when you had to go out and find friends, Choose a career where you added value to others’ lives so you could earn a living. Yes, the world did not come to you, you went out to it. In every case you left your home and tried to add value to other people’s lives.

This video talks to the real life experiences of retirees. This is not an easy or small challenge to happiness. It requires your full attention.

The first time you found pleasure, happiness and purpose, your entire tribal network was there to help and support you. You are retired and they are living their lives, raising families, building careers, taking vacations. All busy as one armed paper hangers, just like you were before retirement.

This BBC video really shows how bad it will be unless you step out just like you did in the beginning to redefine your life. Not to earn money or build a family, but to have a tribal network and friends. How will you add value to your community and purpose to your life?

Scary times.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement Surprises – Depression, Anxiety and Suicide – Part II Anxiety

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We last looked at depression. Anxiety is the same in that you see no outward changes in your body but tremendous effect on your emotions, heart rate and stress levels. You are attacked by a tiger and your body responds even after the tiger (trigger) leaves.

We have a trigger that is with us 24/7, in retirement!

Here are some videos of people going through anxiety attacks:

This first video show the range of when an attach can occur and some alternatives to manage the event.

Listen to the intensity and lack of empowerment in the solution process.

Listen to the history of triggers, self-guilt and uncertainty.

Let us look at the how often retires experience anxiety attacks. A study of males over 50 show an an approximate 10% increase over younger males in depression and anxiety, Link.

We can assume that anxiety rates follow depression rates which mean 5% of the retirement population will suffer severe attacks and from 5% to 25% will suffer mild to suffer anxiety as part of the retirement journey.

The next blog will be on suicide and we will start the journey on alternative methods to help deal with the challenging three, Depression, Anxiety and Suicide.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Where to Retire – The one key question to ask

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Retirement options are different for men and for women. Men who lost their tribe want to start over. They may be having social anxiety and are lost without a “job”. They suggest:

Take a Winnebago trip across the county
Move to new housing in a different state
Move to a summer home in the middle of a forest

They are running away, from their feeling of isolation and loss of purpose in their lives. They are alone in their man caves. No matter where you end up living, the challenge is when you get to where you are going you still need to find and grow the tribe of people to have pleasure, happiness and purpose in your retirement years. Bottom line it does not matter where, but with whom you are living that is the leading driver for where to retire. The one key question is:

Are you living within 15 minutes of family or “true” friend?

They key to successful retirement is not being isolated and alone. You will need to find and develop “Purpose” and that means interacting with people to achieve a goal. True friends and family are great companions in this journey.

Other key considerations are:

If you live in the middle of nowhere, you are nowhere. Make sure community resources are within a 15 to 30-minute drive e.g. shopping, entertainment, hospitals, doctors, housing, public transportation, etc.
Reconsider what give you purpose and happiness. You have almost spent your entire life working for family, career and wealth. Each day ask yourself: “What do give you pleasure, happiness and purpose?” Change those things that do not. Start small with what you like to eat for lunch. What shirts you like to wear. Choose and keep choosing. Watch the small things, the big items will follow
Live within your financial means. Happiness is not found in conspicuous consumption. When you pay people for a service, these people are paid to be nice to you. It is not a acquaintance or a relationship, just a moment in time where you are distracted form your real life.

Here is a video of two women discussing handling and repurposing your life in retirement. Enjoy

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement New understanding of a friend

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I was sitting at the docks enjoying the view and meet a young women and we started talking about life’s issues. She was recently divorced and relocated from here childhood location of Denver, Co. She was challenged by anxiety and was walking her therapy dog. Our conversation centered around finding and making a friend. I offered the characteristics of a friend.

– Come when you need them
– Listen and dialogue without judgement
– Are part of your life, you have broken bread with them

It can take over 200 hours of contact to turn an acquaintance into a friend.
She added immediately that when she is with a friend she is at rest
I thought her comment was so real that i have now added it to the definition of a friend. A friend is someone you are with totally at ease. It is a time of being together and real. This is in alignment with Tara Brack’s guidance on meditation.

Could it be that being with a friend is like being in the now?

A video from the movie “Ted” that can give you a visual of a friend. Enjoy.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.