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Retirement- – Elevator pitch on the truth of retirement

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The following is an elevator pitch for the book

Retirement – How not to end up lonely, Tired and bored.

Hi, I am joel Smith a recent retiree and have interviewed hundreds of other retires.
Retirement is a big lie. You are sold a story that all you need is a hobby and money. Spending the money will give you pleasure, happiness and purpose during your remaining years.

It is a lie.

This talk tells the story of the chaos of retirement. You experience denial, procrastination, uncertainty, and doubt that you go through as you approach and enter retirement. The talk focuses on alternative paths that can be taken and why the recommendation “all you need is money,” is not true.

We describe how to see yourself in a different light, e.g., a paradigm shift. Things do not change, how you look at them changes. You are retired and have left the principal purpose of your life behind: your career to maintain the financial stability of your family. The approach is to make you aware of the alternatives and help you see them clearly, so you can feel good about your choices.

These are the last years of your life. You have worked hard, supported your family and saved and have an expectation that you will enjoy and prosper during retirement. A fair expectation, but unfortunately, not a true.

You are faced with the real thing, not an urban legend or a marketing blurb from the so-many financial houses on how they can help you live to be 200 years old while you play polo. Until now, you had gotten up every day and gone to work, even when people waiting for you at work wanted to make your life hard, you went to work. Snow, rain, cold and gas shortages, you went to work. Take a moment to appreciate the sense of purpose, accomplishment, passion, and fulfillment that it gave you. Now it is gone!

Talk about going from an active social and productive environment to isolation and chaos! Your career is gone and most likely your body. You are facing a new challenge which will require your body to be there to support you and it is gone.


Click to buy: “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely”

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement – Creating a tribe and sharing example

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Here is a link to an article on how a coffee group turned into a help organization. I would not be surprised if these guys also do other things together, besides give free advice.

Great read.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2018/09/27/self-proclaimed-old-coots-offer-life-advice-farmers-market-their-slogan-its-probably-bad-advice-its-free/

Just in case giving advice is new to you. Here is a YouTube video on how to give advice

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement has started, so where to I go? What do i do?

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I wake up early, wash up, get dressed and go to the gym or bike for 45 minutes. Now what? I could stay at the gym or bike ride for the day and have bragging rights, but I would still be alone. My mother like to say a job solves all your problems. So what is the path to pleasure, happiness, and purpose in retirement?

The trick is do repeat what you did when you were a teen. Just go out and try it. If it does not work, pick something else and try again. Do it out of the house and with people. Just like when you were a teen and went to play in the neighborhood. If this is outside of your comfort zone. That ok. It was when you were a teen and you survived.

A YouTube Video on stepping outside your comfort zone.

The bottom line is you can now choose a purpose that does not force you to support your family. A choice that give you pleasure and happiness.

Retirement – Some thoughts on how loneliness, depression lead to suicide

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In this journey of retirement, there is more than just money. The obligation and challenge of supporting your family was your purpose, that which gave you a connection and meaning to your life.
You are challenged by changes in your core view of how you spent the last 40 plus years that is now gone.
You need to reinvent yourself just like in the beginning. Except now you have the added challenge of not having to earn money.

Independent wealth is not necessarily a benefit.

A YouTube video on a man’s journey from depression to suicidal thoughts to reconnecting with his tribe and purpose.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement, you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement – Making new friends

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Found this great YouTube video on the process of making friends. It is so good, i had to post it so you can clearly see the effort of developing a new life in retirement and how this was all taken care of by your job and family prior to retirement. Enjoy.

You thought the only thing you needed was Money.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement Surprises – Isolation, Depression, Anxiety and Suicide – Part 0 Isolation (The beginning of the end!)

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I have added a beginning to the trilogy of Depression, Anxiety and Suicide, this beginning is Isolation. It is the single event that will start the beginning of the end of your life. Yes, isolation results in greater heart disease, cancer and and is the equivalent of smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. Here is a National Institute of Health study that details the impact of loneliness. LINK

You have just left behind a full career, a tribal group centered around work and supporting your family. All gone in a blink. The lie of retirement is that you think it is a simple continuation of your life, it is not! It is a new beginning. Remember when you had to go out and find friends, Choose a career where you added value to others’ lives so you could earn a living. Yes, the world did not come to you, you went out to it. In every case you left your home and tried to add value to other people’s lives.

This video talks to the real life experiences of retirees. This is not an easy or small challenge to happiness. It requires your full attention.

The first time you found pleasure, happiness and purpose, your entire tribal network was there to help and support you. You are retired and they are living their lives, raising families, building careers, taking vacations. All busy as one armed paper hangers, just like you were before retirement.

This BBC video really shows how bad it will be unless you step out just like you did in the beginning to redefine your life. Not to earn money or build a family, but to have a tribal network and friends. How will you add value to your community and purpose to your life?

Scary times.

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Where to Retire – The one key question to ask

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Retirement options are different for men and for women. Men who lost their tribe want to start over. They may be having social anxiety and are lost without a “job”. They suggest:

Take a Winnebago trip across the county
Move to new housing in a different state
Move to a summer home in the middle of a forest

They are running away, from their feeling of isolation and loss of purpose in their lives. They are alone in their man caves. No matter where you end up living, the challenge is when you get to where you are going you still need to find and grow the tribe of people to have pleasure, happiness and purpose in your retirement years. Bottom line it does not matter where, but with whom you are living that is the leading driver for where to retire. The one key question is:

Are you living within 15 minutes of family or “true” friend?

They key to successful retirement is not being isolated and alone. You will need to find and develop “Purpose” and that means interacting with people to achieve a goal. True friends and family are great companions in this journey.

Other key considerations are:

If you live in the middle of nowhere, you are nowhere. Make sure community resources are within a 15 to 30-minute drive e.g. shopping, entertainment, hospitals, doctors, housing, public transportation, etc.
Reconsider what give you purpose and happiness. You have almost spent your entire life working for family, career and wealth. Each day ask yourself: “What do give you pleasure, happiness and purpose?” Change those things that do not. Start small with what you like to eat for lunch. What shirts you like to wear. Choose and keep choosing. Watch the small things, the big items will follow
Live within your financial means. Happiness is not found in conspicuous consumption. When you pay people for a service, these people are paid to be nice to you. It is not a acquaintance or a relationship, just a moment in time where you are distracted form your real life.

Here is a video of two women discussing handling and repurposing your life in retirement. Enjoy

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintained a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may have even gotten get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retire to Purpose – Would you recognize it?

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I am discovering me. I cooked shrimp scampi, pork chops with broccoli in butter sauce and tomorrow hope to pan fry a chuck steak with onions. I felt accomplished by cooking and it really tastes good.

My purpose at that moment was to cook a good meal that I and others enjoy. Taking the moment to buy the food, prepare and cook it, create a fond memory that I want to repeat. It is not as grand as being a Breadwinner or eliminating world hunger. Though it did give me a sense of accomplishment, sharing and happiness. Could it be that purpose is more intimate and personal and is the result of you living, rather then something you go too.

The question is if purpose came up and introduced him or herself to you, would you recognize it?

A YouTube Video That you find your passions and purpose by living your life!

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You were told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Retirement First steps to the rest of your life – Purpose

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Congratulations you have retired. Saved enough so you have food to eat, money to travel and can still climb a flight of stairs. You have been successful in your Breadwinner career and providing for your family. In retirement you need to find your new purpose that give you pleasure, happiness and accomplishment (purpose). Sometimes this is hard to share with others and yourself so you can maintain direction in your life.

Do you know your purpose in retirement?

Here is a Ted YouTube video on how to verbalize your retirements lifes purpose

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Breadwinning career. Work-related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life. In retirement you need to rediscover yourself and your new purpose.

Meditation See Your True Self – Acceptance not Judgement

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To be successful in your second life the one that does not include your Bread winning career, you need to see what give you pleasure, happiness and purpose. In your Bread winning career it was easier, money and meeting your family needs. Now it is just you. You need to clear your mind of judging others, you know the negative thinking. You can manage this list by writing it down, read it over and put is aside, now think about you. Start with an item totally under your control like brushing your teeth:

— Which toothpaste?
— Firmness of toothbrush (soft, medium or hard)?
— How long do you brush?
— Electrical or manual?

This finding yourself takes concentration, effort and acceptance of your choices, not judgement or looking good for others. Set a timer on your phone for two minutes and while brushing think about how it feels. Are you tasting the tooth paste? When done, do you feel good about yourself? Are you in the moment of brushing your teeth? Did it give you pleasure, happiness and a sense of purpose?

Do you see brushing your teeth as a few moments of self care, meditation and calm or an obligation?

If you like electric toothbrush and your wife likes manual is she wrong? Can you embrace her like of manual toothbrushes?

YouTube Video on How to brush your teeth?

You spent 40 plus years paying attention to and planning your Bread winning career. Work related issues and problems filled your mind on the job and when at home. Now that is gone, but your mind has not moved on. Just like your planning for retirement where you were given financial advice on saving for retirement. You maintain a 401K, set aside money from your family for your own future use. You may even get help by engaging a financial planner to guide your investing. You are told that hobbies and vacations will fill your days with happiness and purpose. It may, but not likely. The book “Retirement How NOT to end up Tired, Bored and Lonely” is an excellent introduction to this next part of your life.